In Infinite Multiverse, Exists Parallel Earth With Competitive Fart Sucking, Scientist Hypothesizes

Renown Theoretical Physicist, Nicholas Boynton Ph.D. released an extensive thesis paper last Thursday on the hypothetical existence of a parallel Earth. More specifically, a parallel Earth where the competitive sport of “Fart Sucking” exists.

The paper goes on to explain that if the multiverse is truly infinite, then it would also be hypothetically probable that an earth with competitive fart sucking exists.

“This Earth would be much like our own,” writes Boynton. “with the exception of men and woman from around the globe tuning in to watch their favorite sports team suck farts out of their teammates’ anuses.”

“My degree isn’t in sports logistics; however, I imagine the sport would be run like this: Both teams rotate out a “farter” and a “sucker”. The sucker has to suck farts out of the rear end of the farter. The difficulty comes both from the farter needing to be able to produce enough flatulence on command, and the sucker needing the lung compacity and stamina to be able to suck the farts in and hold the rancid combination of hydrogen and methane in their lungs for as long as they can.”

Boynton went on to explain, in detail, how the sport of “Fart Sucking” would be played on this earth. “Scoring would be determined by a combination of the size of the fart and the length of time held in the suckers’ lungs. There would be a referee, much like sports on our earth. They would call foul plays (no pun intended) and close calls.”

The thesis paper ends with Boynton expressing his wish for modern science to discover a way to travel between worlds in the multiverse. “I think if I were able to travel to this Earth, I would love to try competitive Fart Sucking. I actually think I would be pretty good at it. Perhaps, I could even try out for a professional league.”

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