Area Man, Nick Boynton, was stuck on hold for over 30 mins yesterday evening when he attempted to call Comcast customer support over a recent change to his internet bill.
“I finally get it. I now know exactly how the Native Americans felt during the trail of tears.” Boynton told Sauce Time.
“Every minute that went by, staticky jazz music playing in my ear, I contemplated giving up and just ending it all. I’m sure that’s exactly how the Cherokee felt as they lost their homes and were forced to march west, past the Mississippi.”
Boynton was placed on hold while waiting for a representative to tell him why his bill had increased by twenty dollars.
“I felt every excruciating detail. From bloody feet, to disease, to starvation, I felt it all. In my soul.” Boynton explained.
“The first ten minutes weren’t as bad. At that point, you could say I was on the trail in a horse drawn carriage, hungry, but able to save to my strength. At twenty minutes, the experience was closer to walking while on the verge of starving to death. At thirty minutes, my feet had turned black from frostbite and the whooping cough was setting in to finally take my life.”
“I’d like to take this time to apologize to our remaining native descendants.” stated Boynton. “What our country did to your ancestors was horrible. And now that I have experienced their pain, firsthand, I want to say that I, truly, am sorry.”