New Fitbit Update Tracks Masturbation and Shames User Accordingly

The newest Fitbit update that launched today has a new and exciting feature! Users with a model “Versa” or later will now be able to have their Fitbit shame them for masturbating.

According to the Fitbit website, the level of shaming depends on the frequency of the masturbation. It can range from mild sarcastic comments to as far as death threats for users who are jacking off more than twice a day, multiple days in a row.

Users on Reddit have already taken to researching what triggers the watch’s comments. Based off their research, your Fitbit may not start making comments the first or even second time you masturbate, however almost all users report getting comments by their third J-O sesh.

“It does seem to be slightly random. I had barely even reached into my pants for the first time and I got the message “God is watching.” But, my friend told me he’s already cranked it twice today and had no response.” says Reddit user “u/Dg1331”

James Park, Fitbit CEO, released a statement on the update:

“I think users are really going to enjoy this new update. I’ve been lucky enough to be a tester on this project and it has had a huge positive impact on my life. My Fitbit has gotten me to the point where I’m barely masturbating at all anymore. As someone who was making it into the death threats range, this has been a complete turn around for me. Now, I’m able to focus on more important things like pleasing my wife rather than spending hours a day draining my nuts to whores online.”

-James Park, Fitbit CEO

The feature is also gender inclusive so, ladies, don’t think you’re going to be off the hook for hitting that pleasure button. Your Fitbit will soon having you thinking twice before reaching for that copy of Fifty Shades of Grey tucked into your nightstand.

Here at Sauce Time, we love the new Fitbit update. What are your thoughts on it? Drop a comment and let us know. And, until next time, behave yourselves, People.

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