Report: 83% Of Americans Think Mother Nature Is A “Big Gay”

A new survey shows that approximately 83% of Americans think that Mother Nature is a “big gay.”

To clarify, this particular survey did not set out with the insult “big gay” in hand. It simply asked the nation their opinion of our hypothetical god of weather and 83% of replies used the term “big gay” along with other insults. Plenty of other insults or derogatory terms were used in tandem, such as “whore” or simply “bitch.”

However, to much surprise, the American population got much more creative with its insults, calling Mother Nature such slander as “an atrocious disease-ridden failed abortion.”

Tim from Ohio says Mother Nature “can go fuck herself with a live beehive.”

Kayla from Vermont claims Mother Nature “makes the Columbine shooters look like Martin Luther King Jr.”

Nick Boynton from New Hampshire insisted that if he were in a room with Mother Nature and Hitler and he had a gun with two bullets, he’d “throw the gun out the fucking window and claw that bitch’s eyes out with [his] god damn finger nails.”

Well, it’s clear that the American people are not pleased with Mother Nature. But with the amount of rain the nation has received in past week, who can blame them? All we can do now is just pray that the little cunt-licker grants us some blue skies in the coming month.

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